Every Morning

Wake up. Smell the coffee, drink the coffee, pour it over your head if need be. The day is begging for your generosity to declare itself open. Too long has passed between the time you set the alarm and the time the snooze gave up trying. Slumber isn't too comfortable when made to overstay its welcome.

The birds are up, trying to catch the early worm. Hell, even the worms are up and about early, to be food for the birds. What is it you say? Early worms get eaten? Lazy worms who roll in bed survive? Fair point. But you aren't a worm. There are so many perks of being a human. The first cigarette of the day for instance. I bet the worms don't enjoy such luxuries. Heck, the worms don't even know what luxury means.

You better start the day because the sun is only going to get brighter. He never once fails to turn up; learn a thing or two from him doing it for gazillion years without a moan. Soon this bed who pulls you back like a lover will start to bite you. The pillow will attempt to smother your sick lazy life out. No one wants you for too long, not even your bed. Get out, crumple a field of flowers, push someone on to oncoming traffic or just punch a goat in the throat. The world is full of amazing fucks to be taken. When life is giving out lemons, just kick it right in the gonads and say "I don't want your charity. I'll buy some lemons myself."

You are a soldier my friend, a true blood prince who shouldn't be confined to the sheets. You risk wasting  a glorious day for that 5 mins of sleep? 5 mins of sleep is actually 2 hours of sleep disguised as 15 mins of sleep.

Wake up. Smell the coffee. Oh shit, we're out of coffee. Go back to sleep. This is what the universe wants. 

How to write a suicide note: A guide for beginners

Welcome, to a step-by-step approach on how to write a fabulous suicide note. A suicide note isn't just a normal everyday letter.
Why you need a tutorial you ask?
 It's the last piece if communication you leave behind. Kill it (no pun intended).

Let me start by calling the elephant in the room - suicide is a bad thing. But so are drugs and we have drug dealers. Even if suicide is detestable and and an act of cowardice, a little help won't hurt if you've already made up your mind.

I'd like to shed some much needed light on this whole concept of leaving behind a note. Firstly, it rules out murder. This way the focus remains on you and not someone on the run. I know there are enough murder mysteries that profess the theory of a fake suicide note, which usually ends up with the police on a wild goose chase.
So here is your first lesson: Always write it in your own handwriting. No computer, no typewriter and definitely no cutting alphabets off the newspaper (Although, that is great if you plan to send out a ransom note). In case your handwriting resembles a drunk ink-dipped ant strolling on the paper, then I would suggest practicing cursive before penning down that letter. Now I know you probably have a lot going on in your life and handwriting practice is the last thing you need. But hey, at least your note will sparkle.

Let us move on to the 'How do I start my suicide note' section.
Leave out the pleasantries. Do not begin it with a 'Dear', no no. You're just about to jump off a building or slit your wrist or watch Son of Sardar for the second time or do some other gruesome thing to your body. Just come straight to the point. But do not overthink or obsess over this particular part. It's just like the opening credits of a film; it has no bearing on the actual plot.

The next part of the letter is the real deal -The Reason. This is where the drum roll begins.
You better have a good reason for cutting your long story short, for The Bible labels suicide as the worst sin a man can commit. And you don't  really want to stand before god and make him go all, "REALLY? This is why you jumped in front of that bus? Really, dude? You are such a pussy!"
I assume you don't want to go through the embarrassment of god mocking you in front of all those pretty angels, with wings and harp and all that fancy-shmancy shit.
Re-evaluate your reason. If it isn't good enough, wait. Wait for things to get worse, wait till you have that big reason. People respect a dead man who had a good reason.

Once you have decided to pull the proverbial chord, you will have random thoughts clouding your judgement. All of a sudden the opinions of people will start mattering. What would they think? Will they laugh at me? Write me off as a coward?
Purge your brain off all that filth. You are not a coward. Do moviegoers berate those who walk out of the hall during a shitty movie? NO. And here, your life is that shitty movie. Walk out. Get out. You paid for it and you're not getting a good show.

Now the ending.
Well, you can nail it Cobain style by coming up with something like that burning and fading analogy, or you can borrow some quote from somewhere. Google them if need be, there are tons littered around on the net. No one is going to hold you to task for a shoddy ending anyway. How can they, you're dead.


One last thing.
Don't do it. Death will eventually catch up.